MOMIZING IN THIS ERA!

Momizing can be lonely

I am so tempted to put my baby’s pics out there. I can’t believe this is me looking forward to such activities for my baby. I honestly never thought I would get to this point. Anyway, that is a story for another day.

Motherhood is just something else. I didn’t ever imagine that at twenty-three years old I would be a mom. I still insist on being 23 because for one, my 24^th birthday never happened. Secondly, my last year was a complete mess. That year passed me by like the wind blowing over the ocean. So are we allowed to slow the treadmill or have it move backwards? I don’t see why not.

 I am one of those people who has always tried to live by the rules. Not really conform to societal rules but just stick to my plans. I have always been afraid of responsibility and I have always been afraid of challenges. Being a mother goes against everything that I thought I was or wasn’t. I know, now, I don’t have a choice.

I am responsible over a beautiful, precious human being. It is my job to make him my number one job. It is my job to be responsible over him for the next eighteen years then he feels he is too grown up to follow my lead. Until he is of age, it is my responsibility to not only know what he eats but also how he eats it. To not only know what he wears but also how he wears it. I am responsible over every decision that concerns him. Am I worried that I may not always be able to make the right decisions for him? Of course I am. Am I worried that I may fail terribly as a mother? I definitely am.

Being a mom is not always easy. Being a young mom is even harder. Not everything is black and white. There are many grey areas which always worry me. There is no manual for raising a baby. But I am learning to take one step at a time. I am learning to have confidence in the knowledge that whatever decision I make as a mother; it is at the best interest of my little one. I am learning that there are so many ‘experts’ that will come forward with different advice on what I should do or should not do. There is a satisfaction that comes with knowing that yes, I am in control and as young, green and inexperienced as I am, I will raise my baby to become the best version of himself.

I can only share with you what I believe in. Share what has worked for me and other young moms. Share their journey, their experiences, the ups and downs of motherhood but most specially to let you know that you are not alone out there. There is a bunch of us trying to figure these out.

Esther is one of those ladies who has become such a good friend to me. My baby is just 8 days older than hers. We met in hospital where both our babies had been admitted in the new born unit. That was about 6 months ago. Just like me, she is 24 years old and hers is also the first baby. We laugh about the fact that everything is so new to us. We share everything about the growth of our babies. We confide in each other, encourage each other and most importantly, we share our experiences as young moms. I have realized that this has helped me a lot, just knowing that there is someone I can talk to earnestly about my baby.

It is lonely to be a mom when all your friends are still juggling between internships, new jobs and partying. They may not understand when I say I haven’t watched any series to completion for almost 7 months. They may not understand when all I want is to just lock myself in my room and sleep all day due to fatigue. They may not understand why I do not text and chat all the time and instead prefer to make short but precise calls but someone who is going through what I am going through will understand this all too well.

The journey of motherhood is not one that can be taken alone. You simply cannot do it on your own. Sometimes, you have to look without to find a partner to walk with in this journey. Look outside your circle of friends. Look outside your family but whatever you do and I say this from experience, do not allow yourself to be alone not just alone but lonely because you can be surrounded by a dozen people and still be very lonely.

For this reason, I am looking forward to being that friend you can always turn to whenever you feel that you need to be comforted, whenever you feel like you just want to talk or share. Whenever you want to vent, I am here. I am looking forward to being that person for you. After all, after everything I have been through, I am pretty sure I have gained a lot on life lessons as a young woman, as a young mom and a life partner.

Thank you for checking in today.

Yours Truly.