ICE! ICE! BABY

Anger, frustration, disappointment, hopelessness, despair, regret. These are just some of the few objectives I would use to describe myself. Have you ever been in a place where you do not know who you are, you want to move forward but the hope for a future is so bleak its almost non-existent so much such that all you become is just a body with no soul?

Flashback to January 2017. The seventh day of the month of February, Wednesday, at exactly 11:26 am I had just walked out of the clinic. I was not shocked; Not really. I was confused. My vision became blurred. For a minute I had to stop and try to remember my way back home. I couldn’t hear the vehicles honking behind me. I didn’t even realize I was walking on the middle of the road. I couldn’t tell right from left and on that day it seemed like the sun was hotter than it usually is. I tried to walk home as fast as I could but I could feel my legs trembling and getting weaker with every step I made. Eventually, I gave in and called for a boda boda. Now that I look back, I actually think that guy seriously overcharged me. Anyway, I could have paid 500 bob for a km ride and not see the fault in that.

Once I got home I sat on the floor with my legs crossed and slowly I unfolded the results I had received from the lab at the clinic. POSITIVE!!! The pregnancy result had turned out positive.

I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. After all, there was a part of me that felt this coming. I didn’t know how to react. To some people the news of expecting a baby would have been ecstatic. For me, it was devastation at first thought. The thud inside my heart was so heavy I thought I was getting a cardiac arrest. I got up walked around the house several times trying to calm my nerves but it didn’t work. I tried to go to the loo but I couldn’t even pee. I tried to drink water but I ended up spitting it out because the tension in my tummy was beyond severe. I wanted to run, I wanted to scream, I wanted to laugh but nothing seemed to work. The results had completely thrown me off the rails. I know it sounds stupid but I assure you nothing can prepare you for the news of an unplanned pregnancy. Not unwanted just unplanned. I have come to learn that there is a very big difference.

Finally, I had to gather the courage to pick up my phone and make a very important call.

So you are probably wondering what is the use of this, what is the point of telling my story so blatantly, why put your business out there for the whole world to scrutinize. I do have the answers to all this.

Being pregnant at twenty-three years old was something that was not in my near future plans. It has been an uphill task. A journey that brought with it a near death experience. There is so much I would love to share with many young women who have gone through what I have been through, who are going through what I went through or even those who have been through worse. It has been a difficult journey.

A very difficult journey.

Thank you for stopping by.

Yours Truly.

Luke’s mom